I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
