Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize