The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
