So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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