would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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