I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
