Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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