i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
