YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
