i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
