Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
