Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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