I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
