I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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