i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
