I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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