five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
