dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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