We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
