can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
