there was a trapeze. enough said
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Never underestimate the power of titties
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
