when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
