Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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