Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize