I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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