i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
