i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
