i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
