remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
