we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
