My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
