I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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