and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
