Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
