i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
