I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
