She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
