My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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