Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
