Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have feelings that need drinking.
Randomize
