while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
