Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So squirting runs in the family.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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