I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
