3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
