i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
