i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just pee around me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize