i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
