nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
