Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
