I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize