Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
