It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
