she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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