Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
