Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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