so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
