just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
