you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
