Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
