Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
