Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
