Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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