Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
