yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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