she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize