did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
