I need help removing her.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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