I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
