Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Damn victory sex feels great
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
