lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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