M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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