I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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