When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Boobs are out for the taking
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
