i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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