idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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