when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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