Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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