Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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