end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
