I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
