I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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