margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
