I am puke
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
