just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
