Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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