So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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