I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize