you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
