as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
