Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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