Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
