I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
