he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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