good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize