My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
