There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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