I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
