It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
