She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
